Well BG is back from outer space. Or rather, he made a brief touchdown. I had an epiphany about why he may have been out of touch and it compelled me to chase him with a cop-out but albeit caring sms. A heartening couple of electronic exchanges later, I am buoyed by his e-love. But, really, can I count on an unprecedented number of xoxoxo's to buoy my mood and future romantic prospects? But, I tell you what, if this supposed relationship ever takes off and is consummated - it will be the biggest of bangs! I don't think I've ever desired someone more (as a mature* person anyway).
However, my intelligent younger sister just pointed out "but he's not very good at keeping in contact is he?"
No, no, he's not. But I still want to devour him. In some bizarre act of post-rationalisation I think his minimal contact and/or slow but 'clear' advances are good for me. I am forced to cultivate self-confidence in the absence of romantic affection. And in my ideal ensuing relationship, I will maintain my emotional and physical independence. But I still need regular cuddles and a jolly good shag.
Feeling so much better about my work as of the last day and a half. Nothing's really changed except my confidence has resurfaced. The challenge is to get and stay immersed so that self-criticism can't reach the light.
Had another epiphany earlier this week too: that a haircut was urgently in order. Despite fiscal challenges (I'm truly getting on top of it, I am!), I decided a haircut was non-negotiable. I am a terrible wearer of long hair. As of this evening I have a reliably short 'do'; but lets wait and see if it improves my life or not. Life's not that bad anyway, I guess. The waving feng shui cat is ticking and spring has sprung. Rent has gone up but I am a lucky bird.
BTW, in totally uncharacteristic television consumption, on Wednesday I inserted Disc 1 of The Staircase series whilst I cooked dinner. 8 x 45mins later, it was 4am and I had been gripped by series from end to end. I've never done this before. Masterful filmmaking (and extraordinary access to the subject matter). Can I make something like this one day? I hope so. Better log-off, wash-up and let my brain attempt such feats.
Good night and good luck.
*biological age only.
However, my intelligent younger sister just pointed out "but he's not very good at keeping in contact is he?"
No, no, he's not. But I still want to devour him. In some bizarre act of post-rationalisation I think his minimal contact and/or slow but 'clear' advances are good for me. I am forced to cultivate self-confidence in the absence of romantic affection. And in my ideal ensuing relationship, I will maintain my emotional and physical independence. But I still need regular cuddles and a jolly good shag.
Feeling so much better about my work as of the last day and a half. Nothing's really changed except my confidence has resurfaced. The challenge is to get and stay immersed so that self-criticism can't reach the light.
Had another epiphany earlier this week too: that a haircut was urgently in order. Despite fiscal challenges (I'm truly getting on top of it, I am!), I decided a haircut was non-negotiable. I am a terrible wearer of long hair. As of this evening I have a reliably short 'do'; but lets wait and see if it improves my life or not. Life's not that bad anyway, I guess. The waving feng shui cat is ticking and spring has sprung. Rent has gone up but I am a lucky bird.
BTW, in totally uncharacteristic television consumption, on Wednesday I inserted Disc 1 of The Staircase series whilst I cooked dinner. 8 x 45mins later, it was 4am and I had been gripped by series from end to end. I've never done this before. Masterful filmmaking (and extraordinary access to the subject matter). Can I make something like this one day? I hope so. Better log-off, wash-up and let my brain attempt such feats.
Good night and good luck.
*biological age only.
