My horoscope is telling me that I may be experiencing feelings of wanting to give up. It seems to be spot-on, despite being wrong about all things romance for the previous 9 months.
I've lost my confidence and want to go to bed. I don't want to do anything to fix it. I'm over it. I've been crying. I've been wondering what I live for? I've been wondering how much longer I can put up with my mediocrity and lack of material goods to distract me from my mediocrity. The main problem that has caused me all this anguish is a profound lack of confidence in my abilities. Abilities to do with work and the craft that I have perhaps stupidly chosen.
I just had a Skype chat with a friend to garner her feedback on the project that is causing me nausea. She cheered me up, or rather, the fact that I was able to make her laugh somehow cheered me up and reaffirmed my reason for being alive on this planet. Am I defined by other people? I have complete lack of confidence in my purpose and capabilities. Atrocious timing. Couldn't be worse. Once again I've made mistakes on this project and it hasn't even properly started yet. I'm afraid to say that I've experienced some fairly suicidal thoughts today. I have no idea why my brain indulges in such pessimistic and self-loathing thoughts. I was wondering today what makes people happy and feel purposeful in their lives? Having people to love and care for? Such as a partner or children? That seems an obvious solution. I have friends and family to care for but the thought of working to survive to simply contribute to other people's happiness feels a bit of a weak argument for living at all.
Basically I think the whole work thing going pear-shaped is perhaps my brutal wake-up call for not working hard enough.
And yes, the BG's recent reappearance was brief. Apparently the universe doesn't think I'm fit for romance yet. Pretty close to giving up I am, can't even be fucked with the washing-up tonight. Should I indulge such belligerence?
Did I mention the incessant tick-tocking of the feng shui waving cat might be what is driving me mad?
