Sore from Sailing

Today I am sore all over after my first sailing adventure yesterday. Conditions were less than ideal, choppy water, rather windy, we ended up with so much water in the boat it represented the bodyweight of another sailor and arguably made our sailing even more clumsy.

I loved it. We struggled with the actual 'sailing part' but we didn't capsize, came extremely close though. There is something in my nature that causes me to laugh in the face of adversity or unpleasantness in weather conditions. Back in December when I went to the wettest music festival ever, I grinned with glee as I was drenched watching a band. I laughed at the human chaos of it all and what we would look like from space; worshippers of mud.

Yesterday the sailing adventure was similar - failed attempts to tack, travelling far into the no-boating zone and ruining some open-water swimmers laps (they offered us a push), getting hit in the face by waves of cold water, getting yelled at by the instructor and accomplished teenage sailors: it all made me laugh and emit happy vibes. If only I did this in the face of unplesantness in the other parts of my life. If only I laughed when re-pondering my failed relationship with the EX. If only I laughed when feeling insecure about career opportunities and fiscal stability. If only I laughed when the giddy feeling of a crush turns to despondency and I question my lovableness and desirability. If only I laughed when I realised that I'm not looking after my physical health at all. If only I laughed when the seeds of depression start sprouting. If only I laughed, scooped pails of water out of my mind and sailed on.

Went on a little romance in my head in the last two days. The boy-genius contacted me and emailed me some palindromes for my enjoyment - how charming! Yesterday after some afternoon beers (often depressive) and catching public transport (frequently depressive) I started to tear apart the little romance in my head. I'm a love fool. He's just a friendly boy-genius with time on his hands. I'm not attractive or desirable. I took our encounter and extrapolated it into a mini-obsession. Did I do this on purpose? To me it felt like he naturally lingered in my head, I was captivated by his 'vibe' and that captivation continued long after the kahluas and hangover wore off. My preoccupation with him and sharing my excitement with friends and blog readers made me feel like I'd jinxed another man-tunity. Having to resist the urge to reply to his email immediately and consciously focus on doing an undies-priority-wash (UPW - this is an old one from the clever EX) all just makes me feel like an idiot. A love fool. Prove me wrong world. Please. I think I am ready for another relationship. Something that is as unrushed as a slow-boat to China would suit me well. But knowing me I'd probably dive off the boat and motor ahead in a dinghy. I want a man with floppy soft hair. A clever type with a solid knowledge of modern history and physics, but not a know-it-all. A man who loves nature. A man who loves cuddles. A silly man. A man that brings the best out of me. I'm ready.