new lows & highs

Just got off facebook so the VTL couldn't take the liberty of live chatting with me as he always does (there are plenty other reasons for getting off facebook). His backhanded invitation last facebook chat was a new low in my love-life, as was the OB's pathetic sms correspondence.

I take my logging-off from the VTL's affections as a new high. My calm curiousity in the boy-genius feels like I'm handling all these follies so much better now. The fact I need to write about it doesn't mean I'm totally well again, but definitely recovering from some kind of love sickness... or more likely lustosis. I guess it's not right to call it a sickness, it was just a silly and stupid preoccupation. This afternoon I prioritised eyebrow over leg waxing - no one's getting my pants off anytime soon!! I plan to be seduced.

There's a beautiful sunset outside. I fantasise about owning this apartment and double-glazing the windows, laying floorboards and redesigning the bathroom. My little cubbyhouse is modest and daggy, but I'm happy here. Sometimes I think it'd be nice to go to sleep or wake up cuddling a man but really, my cubbyhouse is much more comfortable for one. Somehow I am positive about moving from my present position (of being $300 short of Sunday's rent - banana costume hire chomped into it) to the destination of owning a small apartment. As of yet there is no real strategy, but there is a will and I am confident I can do it.

Once again i've overloaded my to-do list. I have many projects and plans spinning around on my lazy susan; lazy may be the operative word. I flit and flirt. I've been pondering scrapbooking, as a way of focusing and brainstorming on one project at a time. Blogging is probably another distraction. The shortcut apple/ctrl-tab is my nemesis. I hopscotch between programs and my to-do list and calendar. In fits and starts I get things done. I want to cultivate focus and concentration. But the internet and my organisational software is so tempting!! Right now I am thinking that I should email the friend who let slip about my blog and ask her to be discreet - I could quickly flick across to mail, open an email, draft a message, then flick back to this blog draft or open the TV guide. Overstimulated, overcommitted, over the mountain, under and around it all at once.

I need to calm down. Close down some programs. Have a screen-free hour or day here and there (no TV, computer or probably unnecessary use of mobile phone)... by george, I work in the screen industry! My eyes are turning beyond square - more into rhomboids. Twitter is the last thing I need to join. An iphone despite it's potential to make love to my laptop is something I should probably resist. I did my first swim in months yesterday morning. Some lazy laps transformed my day - and I wanted to do it again yesterday afternoon. Unless I rebel against my alarm clock, I plan to get back down there in the morning, even the thought of my pudgy body in the dressing room (let alone the pool) isn't putting me off. I am a mermaid, just an out-of-condition one. I just flitted off to clear some emails out of my 'sent items' - did I really need to do that straight after the mermaid thought? What is going on in my brain? Am I running two different power grids in there? Is it wired like a Saigon side-street? I'm not trying to say I'm dysfunctional, I'd just like to be more functional and true to my desires instead of swept away by technology. I don't need to be online to receive the boy-genius' email. I have better things to do, write, cook, eat and wash.

Speaking of hours in front of a screen, this film looks interesting - looks like my type of film - http://www.oftimeandthecity.com/