demoralised and desperate

Barely. Beer-fuelled again and i just confided bravely in a man who works with the boy with the bad surname about my crush and experiences with that bad surname yet lovely boy-man who i feel some sense of destiny about. Is it my infantile brain or intuitive brain that is making me still think and somewhat obsess over him (though really what am i doing that is so obsessive other than thinking and writing about him?).

Late night and beer-fuelled is when you do experiments with your names and google. What happens if you put the name of his now wife and he into google? Nothing. What happens if you swap his wife's name for my name? Nothing.

At risk of exposing myself as a complete nutter who is still in teenage romanceville; i just want to express that something about my relationship (or lack thereof) with the now-married man, seems unresolved. Do i have more imagination than is helpful in a situation such as this? Should i be thinking about the business relationships forged today?

Fuck it. Something about his wedding photo doesn't seem right, but then wedding photos never do. I shouldn't judge his rightness for his wife based on his wedding photo's naturalness. That's not his nor her fault. Yes, i am demoralised. Yes, i am up late with no snacks. Yes, i am in a hotel room. Yes, i have drunk beer and champagne and consumed finger food only (food for fingers). I am drunk and demoralised and desperate and maybe i should divert my attention to thinking about Gotye.

Are there any decent men left for me or have i missed my course? Actually, i just want one decent perfect man.

Please advise asap.