Confused As Fuck

Or maybe I'm confused WITH fuck? Yes ladies and gentlemen and honorable blog readers... I got laid and/or am apparently getting laid. But I'm confused... I'm 31 now and despite hormonal persuasion and retaining a fair degree of girliness... it seems I can't just fall in love. I'm not 100% sure about TKO. By chance I saw SMF today and I pretty much left my soul locked up in the car so it wouldn't encounter anything unpleasant during the spontaneous catchup with him. Perhaps I need to honestly speak to SMF for closure but perhaps I don't... I'm considering that if the man who sweeps me off my feet is 'right', then surely all concerns and hesitations would fall by the wayside. I don't know what else to do... now I've had some intimacy I can't forget about it; it's like having chocolate in the house. And I don't want to take advantage of him, but my 31 year-old libido does. I don't want to thwart a mantunity by being futilely hung up on someone like SMF who is offering me nothing. Why am I even interested in someone that has ostensibly hurt me?! Because I've seen into his soul and know he's a good person?!

Maybe if I had a proper practiced faith in a higher power such as God or Allah I would be less perplexed by this whole manfusion. Through my work I've met a lot of people over the last few weeks who have a refreshing, honest and natural belief in either Islam or Christianity. It's been a surprise... I guess I always felt disconnected with people who followed a 'religion', but I've realised that maybe religion ISN'T the opiate of the masses... but rather agnosticism may cause significant cloudiness of mind. These people I've met have been sharp, all are realists, some of them gay, some embraced their faith as a young adult and all present as people of independent thought and not as blindly following a religion, even in the slightest. How would my life be different if I had a formal faith? Still, I don't feel it's for me but I know I can devote more time and energy to matters of universal good rather than personal romantic fuckarama.


- iBlog, therefore iAm

All vs. Half vs. Nothing

SFN is too similar an acronym to SMF so maybe I'll call him TKO instead (the Tall Keen One). It is jolly nice to be so wanted and desired... There's nothing 'wrong' with him or that I don't like... So might as well give it a go. But it's weird being the pursued, rather than the pursuer... Last time I kissed someone I was so sure it was right.

But this is good, this is new, I'll give it a go and try to keep everyone happy and stay honest in the process. I've thought about SMF heaps but the current reality is that he's not available to me.. So better enjoy the present!

- iBlog, therefore iAm

First at Worst

Just went on my first date in a long time, quite possibly ever*... And I'm also looking rather unattractive; possibly at my worst...

But it seemingly went well. Not sure what I should call him... maybe SFN (sexy film nerd)?! It was an interesting comparison study to SMF; but the data is still being analysed and the results are not yet out.

If I'm going to have children I arguably need to meet 'the one' in the next year or two. I don't feel in any rush but at the same time I'm annoyingly mature enough not to just pash and dash someone because I think they're sexy and charming. I would've if I was 21, or 25.

*I'm always confused as to whether the 'outing' is a date or not, but tonight it clearly was. He touched me and was generous with the compliments.

- iBlog, therefore iAm

Late Night Crush

I love Tony Jones; silver-haired uberhost of ABC's tantalising short Lateline program.

He offers intellectual spunk and seems to never shy away from hard yet casual and effortless questioning. I'm being verbose, I know (I really like this guy).

But tonight I noticed the first chink in his armour... He outrightly failed to ask Imran Khan why he was wearing dark sunglasses indoors during his satellite interview.

Despite this, I actually found Khan awesomely cool, not at all dubious and am pleased by the pride he has for his nation and people. Due to apparent mega corruption of Pakistani authorities, he's setup his own flood relief fund.

http://imrankhanfoundation.wordpress.com/


- iBlog, therefore iAm