Confused As Fuck

Or maybe I'm confused WITH fuck? Yes ladies and gentlemen and honorable blog readers... I got laid and/or am apparently getting laid. But I'm confused... I'm 31 now and despite hormonal persuasion and retaining a fair degree of girliness... it seems I can't just fall in love. I'm not 100% sure about TKO. By chance I saw SMF today and I pretty much left my soul locked up in the car so it wouldn't encounter anything unpleasant during the spontaneous catchup with him. Perhaps I need to honestly speak to SMF for closure but perhaps I don't... I'm considering that if the man who sweeps me off my feet is 'right', then surely all concerns and hesitations would fall by the wayside. I don't know what else to do... now I've had some intimacy I can't forget about it; it's like having chocolate in the house. And I don't want to take advantage of him, but my 31 year-old libido does. I don't want to thwart a mantunity by being futilely hung up on someone like SMF who is offering me nothing. Why am I even interested in someone that has ostensibly hurt me?! Because I've seen into his soul and know he's a good person?!

Maybe if I had a proper practiced faith in a higher power such as God or Allah I would be less perplexed by this whole manfusion. Through my work I've met a lot of people over the last few weeks who have a refreshing, honest and natural belief in either Islam or Christianity. It's been a surprise... I guess I always felt disconnected with people who followed a 'religion', but I've realised that maybe religion ISN'T the opiate of the masses... but rather agnosticism may cause significant cloudiness of mind. These people I've met have been sharp, all are realists, some of them gay, some embraced their faith as a young adult and all present as people of independent thought and not as blindly following a religion, even in the slightest. How would my life be different if I had a formal faith? Still, I don't feel it's for me but I know I can devote more time and energy to matters of universal good rather than personal romantic fuckarama.


- iBlog, therefore iAm