Letter to You

Dear person I used to refer to as BG or SMF,

Tonight the thought of you is making me cry. I'm crippled emotionally to the extent I can't focus or do things I want to do, like cook dinner. I'm so churned up inside that I actually want to deal with it and you right now; to stop my wondering, to halt or resolve my disappointment through an emotional eruption or a nail hammered through my wrist. I'm in a mood for confrontation, I can barely wait any longer to hear sweet soothing or ripping harsh words. I just want to know what I mean to you. Of course I desperately don't want it to be 'nothing' and there to be some other (however lame) excuse for your non-communication and lack of care. But the abandonment is killing me. My confidence is crushed. And the moments from the past of feeling totally at peace with our 'friendship' and buoyed by your company have almost completely gone... I don't know what's real anymore and I really want to know the truth, even if it's hurtful (I think). I fear you've deceived me. I don't want to hide behind an email or SMS. I want something real. I want to call you even though I know I shouldn't. What can I do? What should I do? Nothing?!

Love and best wishes from the person you used to laugh with and say nice things to.

xx ms ok