Good Day

Good day almost ruined at its closure by logging onto facebook (just now). My brain both amazes and frightens me. Yesterday I was messy. A rickety-rackety rollercoaster who cried at the end of yoga and was too in a funk to attend a social occasion and dance her arse off.

Today I've been pretty good. More domesticity, bit of Bob Dylan, bit of David Bowie, bit of reading, bit of friends, bit of pretending i've got an active sailing hobby, bit of mending. I'm alright.

The SMF is still the same but somehow my perspective has changed ever so slightly and mood has shifted. I don't really know what I think but I've jumped onto a train at the last minute and am chugging away from Rejection Station.

I am in a bit of a holding pattern. I have to deliberately block out thoughts about career, finances, family and future and I'm alright. But the things that are leftover are hardly the dregs are they? There is so much more to live for and I suppose I can keep going for the time being. Do I need to be ready to pull the plug anyway?

Life's better underwater. For me, anyway. I've swam on 3 of the last 4 days. In the water no one can get me. In the water I don't need a career. In the water I don't need money. In the water I don't need anything except the ability to swim. And I can.