Man, Music & Mood

Beck did it to me. I shouldn't have listened to him. His Modern Guilt record and various tracks from The Information all contain sensual memories of SMF. Now I'm sad and trying to get back into an optimistic, social mood via The Go-Betweens. I've got to meet some friends for a drink in 1.5 hours and I rather feel like being a housemouse.

I'm still vexed by what I'm feeling and what it means. I don't really know how I'm feeling about him, I just know I want to see him and be close. I want to communicate with silent cuddles. But I haven't seen him for 2 weeks, so guess that's why I'm feeling sad. I fear the next time I see him (in a public context), I will be on guard and not able to express anything.

I don't want nor need to be in a relationship, but I want you back.
I don't want to thwart our individual freedoms, but I want you back.
I don't need you for me to be happy, but I want you back.
I don't need you everyday, or every night, but I want you back.

I want you to want me, but I don't need you to need me.
I want you to smile, I want you to relax, I want you to be happy.
I want us to be right for each other and I want it to be easy. It was easy.

I think I feel abandoned. I don't like feeling abandoned. I wonder what you're thinking and what you felt. I hope you haven't made your mind up already. I was feeling fine and totally appreciating the situation, now I just want physical and tangible reassurance.

I think the only solution to this mood is a mega-walk. At the end of the walk there'll be alcohol and friends. Fingers crossed this mood will pass; I've learnt that they do. But I don't want you to pass.