How long?

Still haven't vacuumed floor, but does that mean I have to wait?! Songs shuffling in my iTunes that alternately provoke thoughts of one of the two men that are bothering (stirring) me at present. Yes, the same ol fellows: SMF and his talented-shit-together friend. What worries me most is I've lost the power of seduction, or never had it. I'm too coarse, too defensive, too boyish, too guarded. Always thought personality would carry me through to the other side, in lieu of beauty, but now I'm not so sure.

I'm SO careful with words with SMF. Want to be gentle with him and yet I probably come off feeble. Hurry up and turn this situation around, before I fall at your feet. It doesn't even make sense why a girl like me is HANGING ON, hanging onto something completely intangible. Aren't I smart enough to know when to give up? Don't I have better things to do? Aren't I writing the musings of a 17yo?!

Can I truly blame biology? Can I exercise anymore self control? Please?!

Will look to my Brain that Changes Itself book for solace.

-- Posted from my machine of the night.