So Long 2009

Immersed in the sadness of news that a dear friend's dear friend passed away yesterday. That he's left a legacy in the world of rock and roll makes the tragedy even more pervasive.

And tonight's the night we say goodbye to 2009. Apparently it's prudent to make a list of all the 2009 things that we are thankful for. To me it feels like a bit of a non-eventful year, but that's remiss of me to say, many things occurred that I am grateful for.

Just before the beginning of the year, I finally made peace with the loss of my previous relationship. Emancipated, I launched into 2009, feeling as though I was gaining some serious career ground. I felt as though I was being acknowledged as a capable being who'd earnt some decent stripes. Early in February I decided to give up casual sex for the foreseeable future. I was ready for some real loving. Buoyed by career possibilities and reaching some strength of character in the romance department, I flew to Adelaide and met the boy who has dominated my man-interests ever since.

I am grateful that my self-worth has barely plummeted this year. The stability of my mind is the year's biggest news. I think I only cried a few times. I had only one major crisis of confidence. Sure, the special man and his possible meanings have sent me around the bend. But my ability to enjoy everything else in life against this mysterious, nebulous and intangible romance is what I'm proud of. Sure, I've dominated conversations with my terrible drivel about how special he is, but I think i've remained sane and managed to focus on other things, even if for only 5 minutes.

I guess 2009 has been a year of reaping some rewards in the realm of work. I hope this continues in 2010 and I can continue to build a happy and sustainable creative life. I really think i've had some breakthroughs in developing my craft and my willingness to learn re-emerged in the second half of this year.

In 2009 I learnt to sail and adopted a boat. This is a milestone for me (the woman who may be 1.7% mermaid). Sailing is something I've always wanted to do and to now be on that path and uncomplicatedly developing the skills is reaping much happiness. I just want to get better at it and sail more without much fuss.

2009 was a happy year. Despite still being unconsummated, the pleasantly surprising bond that was forged with SMF tickled my fancy and made me smile and smile and smile. He still makes me smile.

This year I survived several more hairy bumps in the financial road. 2010 will be the year I get my shit together financially. Apparently because of the end of the year, the full moon and the eclipse, whatever we wish for tonight is damn likely to come true! So, without further adieu, in 2010 I wish for...

To efficiently and earnestly develop my craft.
To earn regular and good income from what I love to do.
To spend and save the money wisely.
To make serious inroads to owning my own home (a Cancerian's utopia).
To freely give and make love to a wonderful man. I'm ready.
To divert this blog away from cheesy sentiments, yet still stay true to what's good for me to express.
To more fully pursue my happy habits of gardening, craftiness and sailing.
To be and live the healthiest year to date.
To go on a well-earned and lengthy holiday!
2010 is the year!

Interestingly, over the past few days I realised my romantic attention was vaguely and inaccurately aimed at two men. "I'll take either!" I quipped on Monday over lunch. I quickly reconsidered my attitude over the following few days and felt that if I truly didn't care which man came my way (no pun intended), then neither were that likely to morph into bedroom realities. It's that oft-heard law of attraction theory, that if one is vague or non-specific about what they really want, nothing will really manifest. The jury and Oompa-Loompas are still out on how I can instigate a relationship. But I'm trying to be ready for it, and trying to get even readier every day. I've started a habit over Christmas of Pilates before bed. Stomach already less protuberant. Anyways, it is ironic that it seems more difficult to get relationships off the ground or even to obtain a pash when you're in your 30s. I'm too well-behaved.

So, in the interests of not being anti-social, I'll sign off now and go celebrate the close of 2009 with my family. I am delighted by and blessed in who I have as a family. They are true friends.

Happy New Year!