Post Date Manifesto

I survived. I am alive. I had a really lovely time despite no kissing, no physical flirtation etc. I just wanted to write a note to myself to state that although a little queasy now I had a really great night with BG, even though I STILL don't know if he wants me beyond friendship. I don't know if he desires me, or just likes me. But what's important for future encounters is to remember that it wasn't hard or unpleasant. Even though I'm not sure where this friendship is going I can survive its ambiguity. I am getting to know him better.

He just left my cubbyhouse. Ah the eye contact at the end. Do I have the most powerful mis-interpretative abilities or are my instincts reliably good? That same old fucking question.

What's kind of ironic is that although the situation (sexual tension?) could quite possibly do with some alcohol splashed over it, we didn't have a boozy night. We in fact discussed becoming liver cleansing buddies.

Only one reference to a date with an ex-girlfriend made me think that maybe I'm not the next girlfriend. But I'm not sure about that either. I deliberately avoided mentioning the EX, as more than one-third of my memories and life experiences are connected to him and he often comes up in conversation unintentionally. It's the EX's birthday today. I found out he's having a dinner with some of my very good friends and I'm not invited, but I don't mind at all. I had fabulous company tonight. I could look at and listen to this man (BG) for a lifetime.

So I didn't come away with a bucket full of answers or clarity, but after nearly 5 hours of chatting I don't have too many questions either. Lets just see how long that lasts!

Bedtime now. Next time I rant and rave I need this post auto-sent to me. I need to remember that I can deal with and even enjoy the current status of my friendship with the BG. What's there to worry about?

He is fucking gorgeous.