BG vs FB

BG wins everytime.

Went out with FB last night. No vibe remotely detectable with this guy I shagged back in April. It was an interesting comparison study really, made me feel EVEN BETTER about my special friendship with BG.

By Thursday the euphoric aftermath of seeing BG Saturday night had turned back into nervous anxiety. I felt some urgency to confess to him my feelings and at the same time terrified of rejection, almost to the point of nausea. But yesterday morning, Friday, I woke up with much more faith in the universe. Faith that if it has 'lasted' this long, there is no urgency for me to declare my love and that I can wait. But more and more I hear that romance is about timing and as I write this the need to tell him asap is rising up in me again. I hope he makes contact very soon.

I am almost ready for romance. Finally fixed the squeaking bed!! Hasn't been shag-tested yet but i reckon it's ready!

Most of all I'm trying to exorcise my preconception that a man I desire SO MUCH is destined not to be mine. That's my biggest hurdle subconciously. Consciously, I need to do one of the scariest things in my life and divulge my feelings to him. Still keeping my fingers crossed that i won't be required to do this and that it will happen without my nerve-racking efforts.

Sometimes I step back from myself and this blog and observe what may look like stupidity. She's clearly OBSESSED with someone and that's not healthy. But let me tell you what's different: 1) if it does turn into a relationship I want to grant him every freedom, and 2) I realised that I love this man's brain and soul so much that if he turns out to have some hideous skin condition, under those clothes I've never seen off, it wouldn't for a moment reduce my desire to make love to him.

Am I crazy? Please don't answer.