People Killed in Nigeria

And I'm depressed.

It's terribly selfish and even selfish isn't the right word for such a sentiment. People are dying in Nigeria. There's nasty violence because of political unhappiness. So why am I unhappy? I'm not getting fundamentally fucked over by my government. I'm not a believer of a religion that puts me at risk of getting killed on whim. There's insects in my house, but that's because of my own disgrace rather than lack of sanitary water supply or sewer system. I can't be bothered cleaning my teeth, but not because I don't have a toothbrush. My life is fine, so what's wrong with me?

I don't have any money and seem to be in a relentless hand-to-mouth cycle.
I don't feel confident about my work.
I'm appalled at my lack of productivity.
I don't have a man to distract me from all of the above.
Usually domestic bliss buoys my mood and makes me feel happy and functional. At the moment the chaos feels impenetrable and my motivation is at a record low. The only task I might attempt is a load of washing out of sheer utter necessity. If I had money I'd probably buy clothes rather than wash them, and I like washing.
I miss the BG. Smartly, he's left me to my own misery and I have to sort my own life out before I'll be rewarded with the companionship of a cuddly man. I don't feel equipped to sort out my own life at the moment though. I imagine that he is some paragon of creative productivity. Or just getting things done at a normal pace. I don't know how to get back on track from here. I want a clean slate. Overwhelmed is my middle name. Characteristically Overwhelmed should be this blog's new title.

I've got my first life coaching session in the morning and that feels like drudgery. Luckily its a dear friend who is my coach otherwise I'd probably cancel. Above all, if I had a spare $500-1000 I would book a holiday immediately and whisk myself at least 1500kms North. The cold isn't bothering me but I am always improved by the sea. No holiday for me at the moment. I've hamstrung myself with my financial management and I don't even have creative satisfaction to improve my state of mind. I've got nothing but I'm grateful for many things.

I swore things were getting better but it must have been a mirage. Is the desire for a holiday pure escapism? I really don't want to deal with my own reality at the moment. I'm uninspired by my apparent potential.

Daily Stats: Coffee = 2 | Fruit = nil | Vegetables = 0.25 | Exercise = nil | Biscuits = 11 approx | Alcohol = 2 | Domestic Accomplishments = nil

Good night. I'll be better in the morning, I'm sure. But I doubt fairies will clean up my house overnight.