Ms OK has been uncharacteristically absent. "Things must be going pretty well then?" one of this blog's readers enquired. Well yes, they are. However, don't jump to conclusions and think that I'm ensconced in a 24/7 romance with the BG; that's still pending. The email dance has paused but I'm fine. I still have a wondrous sense about him and have started to imagine holding him, devouring him, kissing him... even holding his little finger. So yes, the obsession by any other name continues in my world, but I am feeling good about it, he has sown the seeds of something special in my heart and mind. This non-physical romance has not grown without fertiliser. To skeptics I defend my belief in the Boy Genius. I've even shaken the feeling of jinxing it.
Believe it or not, I'm managing not to aim all my neurons in his general direction. I've got a sense that a career turning point is mid-way through its curve. The BG is in Sydney at the moment and the waning of correspondence is the universe granting me time for other pursuits. I even had a moment of gratitude that the slow-burn of this romance was allowing my complexion to heal and bodily shape to morph for the better. But I've quickly crushed this faint hope that I can turn into something with a flatter stomach by the time we consummate the friendship. Listen up! If I think that I'm not good enough in this moment to bathe him in my love, then I'm building a murky moat around myself that he may never traverse. I am fine. I am not perfect but the perfect people are boring. Right here on a sunny Sunday I am ready for him in my tracksuit pants, ugg boots and drowned-rat hair. I'd have you anytime. I've also vowed to myself that if and when this does further unfold, I will preserve my independence, rigorously continue my endeavours and look after myself like never before.
I haven't shed even half a tear in response to the EX's news of pregnancy. Stability is my current state of mind and being. I now feel sorry for people suffering depression rather than feeling amongst them. How can I explain my improved state of mind and outlook on life? A lack of worry is one theory. I don't worry anymore. I don't contemplate negative outcomes. Faith is another theory. I have faith that I'll be fine no matter what the future presents me. Even rejection by the BG I think I could survive. But my internal compass isn't pointing in that direction. Ongoing subdued self-congratulation seems to work also, or rather an absence of self-criticism seems to keep my path clear. In the last few days I've been arguably under-productive on my labour of love project. Rather than hate myself for this apparent lack of achievement I keep myself motivated by silently congratulating myself on the work to date. It seems writing work is impossible if it's performed from a place of despondency and disgust, other than penning a long list of hateful notes to self. So, whilst this post might be part of a current procrastination project, I see the value in what I'm doing and what I have done. I believe my work still to be completed will be worthy.
So, all in all I'm doing fine. . I've given up one night stands (I think). Some rewards have been reaped on the work front and the outlook on romance's weather is generally fine. But I'm not dancing a dazzling dance of thrilling ecstasy or celebration, I'm just doing fine. Life is ordinarily good.
Believe it or not, I'm managing not to aim all my neurons in his general direction. I've got a sense that a career turning point is mid-way through its curve. The BG is in Sydney at the moment and the waning of correspondence is the universe granting me time for other pursuits. I even had a moment of gratitude that the slow-burn of this romance was allowing my complexion to heal and bodily shape to morph for the better. But I've quickly crushed this faint hope that I can turn into something with a flatter stomach by the time we consummate the friendship. Listen up! If I think that I'm not good enough in this moment to bathe him in my love, then I'm building a murky moat around myself that he may never traverse. I am fine. I am not perfect but the perfect people are boring. Right here on a sunny Sunday I am ready for him in my tracksuit pants, ugg boots and drowned-rat hair. I'd have you anytime. I've also vowed to myself that if and when this does further unfold, I will preserve my independence, rigorously continue my endeavours and look after myself like never before.
I haven't shed even half a tear in response to the EX's news of pregnancy. Stability is my current state of mind and being. I now feel sorry for people suffering depression rather than feeling amongst them. How can I explain my improved state of mind and outlook on life? A lack of worry is one theory. I don't worry anymore. I don't contemplate negative outcomes. Faith is another theory. I have faith that I'll be fine no matter what the future presents me. Even rejection by the BG I think I could survive. But my internal compass isn't pointing in that direction. Ongoing subdued self-congratulation seems to work also, or rather an absence of self-criticism seems to keep my path clear. In the last few days I've been arguably under-productive on my labour of love project. Rather than hate myself for this apparent lack of achievement I keep myself motivated by silently congratulating myself on the work to date. It seems writing work is impossible if it's performed from a place of despondency and disgust, other than penning a long list of hateful notes to self. So, whilst this post might be part of a current procrastination project, I see the value in what I'm doing and what I have done. I believe my work still to be completed will be worthy.
So, all in all I'm doing fine. . I've given up one night stands (I think). Some rewards have been reaped on the work front and the outlook on romance's weather is generally fine. But I'm not dancing a dazzling dance of thrilling ecstasy or celebration, I'm just doing fine. Life is ordinarily good.
