The New OK

I'm doing okay. Even a $4000 debt to the Australian Tax Office isn't getting me down. The new okay. I beat myself up about the mistakes I made on the music video a week ago but I'm okay. I didn't punch myself too hard, just a light beat-up to remind myself of my standards. No word from the BG and that, admittedly, is a bit bothersome. He's had more success in his career and here I am still 'learning by my mistakes'. A mistake of a career choice perhaps? But once again I am okay. It's like the ocean of my mind now has a higher salt content, like the Dead Sea, meaning I don't sink as easily. I'm more inclined to float. I don't fall apart. I'm very much disappointed in my work on the music video but I'm not letting it trip me up. I stride on.

The financial wake-up call I had yesterday was like the big bang, but my reaction was subdued. I went for a long walk on the beach. The beach is free. I kind of knew I was getting myself into the tax mess that I am now in, so I'm not shocked. It's a kick up the arse. I'm 29. Soon I'll be 30. I had an idea a month or so ago that I don't want to borrow money off anyone beyond the age of 30. It's a shame I need to make such resolutions, but why not? It doesn't seem to be happening naturally.

But I'm okay. Got no money. Got no man. Got no flat stomach. But I got plenty to be happy about. I played tennis tonight. I did a good job on a few different tasks today. I changed my friend's baby's pooey nappy for the first time. 

I just had dinner with a friend who also works in film and television. She was talking about a highly esteemed director she is working with. What makes her different to the others she's worked with recently I asked? Her focus. She is focussed completely, all the time. She lives and breathes the job. I want to be focussed. I want concentration powers. I've got a new stopwatch program on my computer - so I can track how much time I'm spending on different things. I've nearly been online for 30mins. Time to prepare a hot water bottle and read up on the Tamil Tiger conflict in Sri Lanka. A seriously un-okay situation.