Friday & Saturday Morning

The note-taking continues. I just did a meditation that I certainly didn't concentrate on for the full 20mins, but it relaxed me somewhat. I am feeling nervous about meeting the BG this afternoon. Even more nervous than I was before a meeting with a major advertising agency earlier in the week.

Friday. I worked. I didn't have a proper breakfast - but ate some delicious fruit toast mid-morning. 2 coffees and a chai. I met a self-created deadline by the skin of my teeth. The BG called to arrange this afternoon. God it was good to hear his voice. He was so full of joy and silliness. I was pretty confident the whole way through the day as I worked on a creative proposal. Even as I was putting the finishing 11th hour touches on it I was thinking, this isn't too bad, I have done alright. I've put in a good effort and it shows. Then later on last night I started to interrogate my confidence. I could've done a better job, what will they think - was it half-arsed and ill-thought out?

I had a lovely catch-up with a cousin-friend who's been living overseas. I drank about 3 beers and a vodka in a pint glass topped up with soda water (this is a new revelation). I talked about the BG. I couldn't help myself. I'm a walking advertisement for whatever's on my mind. Anyways, I went to the bathrooom a bit after 11pm and got a fright looking in the mirror. I need my beauty sleep! No one will ever fall in love with me (particularly in the harsh sober light of day) whilst I look like this.

My confidence and outlook plummeted like blood pressure. The tram ride home I sat withdrawn and despondent. I blame the alcohol. I really want to try and drink less. I've had about 3 or 4 drinks every night this week. It's no good for my liver, face, brain, allergies nor wallet.

This morning I haven't had a coffee. Very rare. The nerves running through me have kick-started me enough. I am reading horoscopes, in search of wisdom and calm. So stupid. I did a teeny, weeny amount of yoga this morning and watered my neglected plants. Hoping to save myself via routine tasks and down-to-earth nuturing. I think I will walk to the post office and check my PO Box.