Bobbing on a Sea of Men

Lesson learnt - don't mind read or jump to conclusions and try to deliver the story to the press before the dawn printing, consider holding off and see if the newsworthy situation develops over the following few days - or risk looking like a dodgy journo. Perhaps also don't delete phone numbers so hastily (but I was drunk), as it now poses a little problem with calling the VTL tomorrow. He reappeared from the abyss - in the form of a phonecall - it seems he found my inappropriate SMS quite funny or 'jaw-dropping' was the expression. Yes, I can be rather bold. So what happens next? That is for tomorrow to decide, not for me to strategise about.

I've bizarrely become better at living in the present over the last few weeks. No idea why and obviously (this blog is evidence) I am hardly unwavering from each present momentary second, I am still partial to the odd fantasy about the very-near future or deep pointless analysis of days or weeks or words passed. I can't even assume I will see him again at this point. In the present I have just had a reasonably sized portion of pumpkin risotto (homemade dinner for one = very rare); I've been diligently but relax-fully preparing for my work on Monday. I am reading Eat Pray Love - somehow I missed the hype surrounding this one when it was published, but reading and enjoying someone else's musings on self experience makes me not feel quite as self-indulgent about this blog (but hey, you didn't pay $34.95 to read this, so lesser value and more self-indulgence should be expected, non?).

Blogging really helps me be in the moment. My senses also help me be in the moment; look, listen, smell and feel, even if it is the cosiness of the bed linen and familiarity of a wall hanging. Connection with the present moment. I am probably preaching to the converted here but I truly feel like i've been blessed with the ability to engage this 'mindfulness' since Christmas. It is most likely due to a combination of factors, my ongoing reading of The Happiness Trap, my determination to not get pulled under by a new obsession with a new boy aka VTL (though I have already googled him, sorry self) but I also feel there's been some change in the weather, perhaps the new year, that has endowed me with powers of living in the present like never before. So, all in all, this post's title "Bobbing on a Sea of Men" is a little bit of a ruse, I am earnestly trying to not get bobbed about and washed around by men's affections and am not (NOT NOT NOT) investing anything emotionally in this most recent appearance of the VTL. I am on my own wave. Catch me if you can. And if you can, you'll get one hell of a shag.